Last night I watched extreme makeover weightloss and it encouraged me. I watched and thought I want to do something I enjoy something that's fun!! I want to dance. Even though I am not coordinated at all and I'm still so big I want to dance or Zumba or something.
Then I think once again the scared feeling comes over me!! I think I wanna do this but can't!!!
What if I fail?
It seems like when I'm doing so good there is something that gets in my way. Usually it's my head telling me you have been doing good so go ahead and slack off it's ok if u eat what you want. But I know it's not. So the question I keep asking myself over and over is why do I keep sabotaging myself. Why do I convince myself it's ok. Why is it so hard to ask for help to get me through these hard times. I guess it goes back to being judged.
I had gastric bypass so I should eat perfect right. It should be easy right. Well it's not. I'm do scared of failure. Not only failure after gastric bypass but failure in life. I know I have to get back on track. I know there's people out here to help but I'm scared I should know.
I just do t wanna be that girl again who is physically unable to do anything. I just wanna believe myself. I'm tired of food being in control!!!
I hate u food!!!!
Why do u always tempt me and make me feel like such a failure.
Will I ever learn to take back my life and for me to be in control and not that dam food!!!
Please let me be in control of me today. I guess I will have to take it one day at a time and hope I have the strength to fight!!!
Fight another day!!!!
Your not alone in this Alicia. We are strong. Yes sometimes we go astray but in the long run we can do it! We are not and will not be failures. Look how far you have come. I wanna dance again too! One day at a time.
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