When does it get better

Hello everyone today is Sunday and I am having a really rough day. 

I am struggling with depression again and I believe it all stems from my addiction to food. I wish I didn't think about food all day everyday. 

I'm so tired of feeling like a failure. I know I know I have done great, amazing wonderful but it's not enough I wish I could sit here and say it is enough but I would be lying. 

I think it's been hard I see others around me doing so amazing and I'm so proud of them. Then here I am with this fake smile saying everything is wonderful and great.  He'll who am I kidding food is my life it takes over everything. At time my life sucks. I feel trapped, I didn't sign up for this I keep fighting and losing!!!!

Whyyyyy why me why cant I get it. 

Maybe I'm destined to never get it, never be "NORMAL" 

Maybe that's not in my cards. I feel alone no friends live close who call me and say lets go out. 

All I'm good at is sitting here crying, I think why do I have to be so weak. I just wanna live not just exist!!! Really live. So I guess I have to figure out

Maybe 370 is the best I can do. Should I be content. I don't know I just don't wanna struggle anymore. Is that even possible???