Struggling with life

Hey everyone how's it going things aren't going too well for me I am having a lot of struggles right now. not only am I in pain because of my neck and back but I'm also having a lot of struggles with food and I just can't say no. My addiction with food is probably one of the worst that I've had in a long long time and no matter what I do I just can't control it it frustrates me. I thought that maybe the problem was was that my stomach for some reason was not doing good maybe stretched out just because I don't feel full and I'm constantly hungry. I now know that my stomach is the size it supposed to be I've seen my surgeon and the test that they have given me have shown that my stomach is the size it's supposed to be about the size of an egg so that isn't the problem. The problem is stress and I feel I'm trying to fill a void I'm not sure why but ever since having my thigh surgery and having to go back into the hospital because of cellulitis that I've had to be basically in bed with my legs elevated and cause and all the pain that I've had I've just been eating so much more I don't want to move,I don't want to exercise,I just want to eat and lay here and sleep partly because I'm in so much pain all the time that it's overwhelming and I just continue to feel like what the hell is wrong with me I just don't feel like I can do this anymore I feel ashamed of myself I feel like reaching out to people is just too hard I don't know what the answer is for me but I don't even know what questions to ask I have made an appointment to go in this week for an intake appointment for therapy but every day I continue to say today I'm going to control my eating today I'm going to exercise today I'm going to drink all my water and not drink soda or sugary drinks today's going to be different but it never is never does and I'm just on the verge of giving up like giving up on everything and I'm tired of feeling this way about myself I'm just so stuck and it frustrates me because I feel like I know that this weight-loss surgery helps save my life but being two years out now I know that I have to mentally deal with my addiction and I don't know how to do that I don't know how to ask for help and I don't know how to not feel like a failure I just try to be so positive with myself and tell myself I can do this it's going to be OK but it never is. All I do is lay here and feel sorry for myself but the thing is I can't seem to get the energy to do anything I just keep asking myself what's wrong with me what's wrong with you I don't want to die but that's how I feel like I am heading I feel like I'm heading back downhill and I don't like it sorry for the long post I just needed to really really vent